Every single one of us has had a long-term relationship that ended recently and we aren’t happy about it.
Everyone has this bad attitude about dating because they were “fucked over” in their last relationship.
Everyone who has that bad attitude thinks that it’s okay to treat other people like trash because of how they were treated in their past relationship. Or at least, that’s how they feel that they were treated.
So it ruins everyone for an undetermined period of time. People act in self-destructive ways. Or sometimes people just plain play games with each other.
I hate it so much. I hate games. I hate not being straightforward. I hate not knowing what is going through a person’s head when they are acting so all over the place with their feelings.
I just want someone to act toward me the way that I act toward them and it’s not fair.
I think that my general aversion to relationships is more than a choice. I think I’m honestly not capable of feeling anything for anybody right now.
I’ve always been one to fall hard and fast for guys. Hence why this is the longest that I’ve been single since I was 16. But I haven’t felt a damn thing for anyone this whole time, and it’s not because I haven’t been giving myself the opportunity to. In fact, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to.
What I’ve been doing definitely, DEFINITELY isn’t what I’d call “dating”. But I’ve been hanging out with guys. In fact, I’m currently spending considerable time with one of said guys. And we’re hitting it off, at least I think…
Well, I guess it’s still early. So maybe it’s all in my mind.
But anyway, normally in this situation I’d be starting to fall for him…but I’m just not. I love hanging out with him and spending time together. But it feels like a friendship with certain…added benefits, we’ll say…yet I don’t feel like that about him. You know?
And I’ve just never been like this before. I’m super aware that I’m different than how I used to be and that I’m changing still. And it isn’t a bad thing because I’m honestly 100% content with everything in my life right now and quite happy with everything. It’s just…weird. Real weird.
Well I should probably get back to completing my second-to-last assignment of the semester. Peace y’all.