Tag: boys

The problem with dating in your mid-20’s

Every single one of us has had a long-term relationship that ended recently and we aren’t happy about it.

Everyone has this bad attitude about dating because they were “fucked over” in their last relationship.

Everyone who has that bad attitude thinks that it’s okay to treat other people like trash because of how they were treated in their past relationship. Or at least, that’s how they feel that they were treated.

So it ruins everyone for an undetermined period of time. People act in self-destructive ways. Or sometimes people just plain play games with each other.

I hate it so much. I hate games. I hate not being straightforward. I hate not knowing what is going through a person’s head when they are acting so all over the place with their feelings.

I just want someone to act toward me the way that I act toward them and it’s not fair.

-Jessica

People always surprise me.

I have major trust issues, because if you can’t trust a person who you were with for years and building a life with, you sure as fuck can’t trust a lot of people. But now someone has come along who is half changing that.

One of my best friends got married last night and this guy I’ve been hanging out with drove 40 minutes up to the wedding venue at midnight to pick me up, hung out with my friends and I, and got a hotel room with me.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that my ex would have NEVER done that. He would have complained about even having to come to the wedding with me. He would have never been willing to drive up after and hang out with me if he hadn’t been there in the first place.

It’s just crazy to me that someone who I’m not even in a relationship with would do that when my ex wouldn’t have. I’m like in awe. Especially because recently I’ve been really questioning whether or not he’s even into me at all and I feel like I have the answer to that question now haha.

I still don’t want to go getting my hopes up about anything, but they’re getting a tad elevated in regards to this situation. I haven’t had a guy do something that made me that happy in a long time, and although I don’t want my happiness depending on the actions of another person, it was nice to feel that again and I kind of hope it keeps happening for at least a little while.

-Jessica

Weird/this blog might be my diary

I think that my general aversion to relationships is more than a choice. I think I’m honestly not capable of feeling anything for anybody right now.

 

I’ve always been one to fall hard and fast for guys. Hence why this is the longest that I’ve been single since I was 16. But I haven’t felt a damn thing for anyone this whole time, and it’s not because I haven’t been giving myself the opportunity to. In fact, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to.

What I’ve been doing definitely, DEFINITELY isn’t what I’d call “dating”. But I’ve been hanging out with guys. In fact, I’m currently spending considerable time with one of said guys. And we’re hitting it off, at least I think…

Well, I guess it’s still early. So maybe it’s all in my mind.

But anyway, normally in this situation I’d be starting to fall for him…but I’m just not. I love hanging out with him and spending time together. But it feels like a friendship with certain…added benefits, we’ll say…yet I don’t feel like that about him. You know?

And I’ve just never been like this before. I’m super aware that I’m different than how I used to be and that I’m changing still. And it isn’t a bad thing because I’m honestly 100% content with everything in my life right now and quite happy with everything. It’s just…weird. Real weird.

Well I should probably get back to completing my second-to-last assignment of the semester. Peace y’all.

– Jessica

Life Update

So here’s what’s been happening since January:

I’m still single and I still like it that way because I still don’t want a relationship. Everything’s chill. Although I’ve been chatting it up with a couple of guys. We’ll see what happens with that.

I got awarded another graduate assistantship for next year! Which means my tuition is covered and I will be making money! And it also means that I have now had at least one stroke of luck, so things may be looking up for me!

I’m going to Firefly Music Festival and Mo Pop Music Festival this summer! I’ve been trying to go to Firefly for YEARS, and I finally convinced one of my friends to go with me! I can’t wait!

My kitten turned a year old! He’s still an asshole though so don’t get too excited. I also bought a laser pointer. I had never tried using one to play with the cats before and it’s crazy how much they love it!

School has been fucking insane this semester. I’m glad that there is only one week left not including finals because I’m about over it!

If you want to see an accurate depiction of my life click here

And that’s about how my brain is functioning this semester.

I might get a nannying job for a little baby this summer! I love babies and this one seems like he’s pretty easy so I’m excited if it all works out!

And that’s about it. Things are good. I’m hoping that will all my fun plans this summer they get even better, and I even think that I’ll be making even more plans as time goes on! We will see.

But for now, back to finishing my four assignments that are all due on Tuesday of next week…

-Jessica

The first drunken mishap of my single life, and also me using my blog as a diary because feelings

Do you ever do nothing wrong but still feel like you did?

Because that’s my life right now.

So a little piece of info about the events leading up to why my most recent relationship ended and a fun story from my latest drunken adventures:

I recently became BFF’s with this girl Ang I worked with at my last job. She’s literally my favorite human.

Her fiance’s best friend is obsessed with me and he stole a kiss from me while I was blackout drunk a few months back. Ever since then he thinks he can date me or what not. Ya know, typical weird controlling guy stuff that women have to deal with all the time. So anyway he is constantly asking me out on dates, trying to get me to hook up with him, etc. Even while I was still in a relationship (clearly since he kissed me after knowing that I had a boyfriend he doesn’t really have a good grasp regarding boundaries). Its honestly gotten to a point where his actions boarder on harassment and I’m getting really annoyed by it. I told my boyfriend right after I found out that it had happened because I was always terrible at keeping things from him and I wanted him to know what had happened. We worked through it at the time but it was ultimately a factor in our relationship ending.

So anyway, part two of the story: we’ve all been keeping the fact that I’m now single from this guy. I even lied to him and said that my boyfriend and I are doing well last time I saw him. Whoops.

Well, flash forward to last night. I go out with my girl Ang and all her and her fiance’s friends like I always do. Its a zombie bar crawl so its a pretty fun time and what not. Said guy who is obsessed with me is there, among other people.

Well after lying to obsessed guy and saying I was still in a relationship, I decided to have one too many jack and cokes and end up hitting it off with one of their other friends and making out with him.

Obsessed guy is now pissed.

So I feel bad about that and bad that not even two weeks after ending my last relationship I’m out making out with dudes at bars. Even though I’m single and nobody owns me and I can do what I want with my own self and body.

I also feel bad because I need, NEED to be doing shit for school right now and I was doing such a great job at controlling myself last night until the last couple of hours that we were out and now I’m hungover today and am basically a clout on society. However I did bring my study materials into my bed so once I have finally mustered up the motivation to use them I will be golden.

So anyway, thanks for listening about my life. Hopefully I don’t continue to make poor choices in the future and don’t feel as bad about it if I do.

Peace.

-Jessica